Erasing the past

Funny, I don't think some people deserve my love. Sounds a bit conceited but it has nothing to do with me thinking I'm too good. See, there are some people that I go out of my way to help even when I know they probably won't appreciate it. Hoping that maybe they'll understand I care. Maybe they'll realize that the things I've said and the things I do are genuine. But some people, a small few, don't. They take what I offer and never look back. Once I've given them a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, or even an extra edge in the right direction, they walk away. Never saying thanks, and even erasing me from their memory. Almost as if to say, "you've served your purpose and are no longer needed". Those people, the small few, don't deserve my love. So in the end, they may benefit from what I have given them, whether its friendship, money, or help to reach their dreams but its ok 'cause I'll benefit too. I'll grow stronger. I'll know better next time. And in the mean time I'll appreciate those that do deserve my love. And those that took advantage, well karma is a bitch! LOL

I'm struggling. No body knows the turmoil I'm facing and the shoulders to lean on have dwindled down. I'm back to wearing the painted on smile while I pop in and out of my own life. Haven't really been up to facing the world lately and I've been pretty successful at avoiding life. But I know eventually it will catch up to me. As always I face my struggles alone and try my best not to let my burdens break my spirit. I'll continue to struggle because I know I will succeed. So some day soon I'll return to life. I'll face it head on. 'Til then, well, I'll be here somewhere, making random appearances in my own life.

Its funny how you get all caught up in your own troubles without realizing other people need you.

Mixed emotions

Lately my heart has been slightly torn. I'm working hard on my future but a small fraction of my heart is still lookin back over my shoulder. Not quite sure what these feelings mean. Maybe I'm just lonely and can't help holding on to what is physically closer. Or maybe when my mind moved on my heart held on. Either way it doesn't matter. What I had is lost and what I have, well thats yet to be seen. Guess its taking longer than I thought it would, but I'm gonna get past it.