Another Birthday

PART I:
I'm 21!!! I had the best birthday ever. I started celebrating a week in advance. Got to hang out with someone I had the biggest crush on in high school. Spent time with my best friend I almost never get to see. Then going out with more friends who are more than happy to go out their way to celebrate me. Of course I went to church to thank God for another year. Then bringing in the first hour on my day at on of the best musical performaces I've ever witnessed with my first legal drink in my hand. And of course the highlight was all of the phonecalls, text messages, ims, and e-mails of birthday love that were way more than expected. Blessing just keep coming. And the celebration continues.
PART II:
I was blessed to see one more year. Seems like someone out there is praying for me. Who would've thought I could make it to 21 with no kids, no diseases, and still in school working to make something of myself. Maybe my mother was right. I'm the one who'll do it right the first time. I've gained a lot of wisdom from the mistakes of others and mistakes of my own. I may still be a little shacky on what I want to do in life but I know what I don't want to do with my life. I know what choices to make and what decisions to avoid. I've been blessed with another year to work towards my goal.

Nothin to say except : ONLY FIVE DAYS LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!

I finally found true love. Well I didn't actually just find it, it was always here I just never realized it. I've been loved unconditionally and took it for granted. When I talk about this love, I'm not talking about romantic love between two people. I'm talking about true, unconditional love that only a real friend can show you. No matter how many times we fight, who was at fault, or what was said that love is always there and always strong. See, that everyday love I've been dealing with isn't that good to me. One argument can all of a sudden dissolve all love in a situation. Pride and hurt feelings can make all promises of forever null and void. But this love is steadfast. This love is so strong others have fought to tear it apart but it has only grown stronger. See this love is so true, we will fight to be a part of each others life. Can't imagine living without each other. Couldn't piss each other off enough to ever let go. That is the true love that everyone searches for. I've been lucky enough to have it most of my life. I thank God for my best friend who showed me this love and I only pray that I can do my best to show him the same love.

Crush

Ok so I like this guy. Actually I like him like him, LOL. Isn't that silly? But if you knew him you'd like him too. He's not just another cute face (although he is pretty darn cute), he's the complete package. He has the brains and ambition to be something great and a personality that livens up any situation. But most importantly, he has a heart of gold. He's one of those people you'd be content with just being his friend 'cause being in his presence is just that great. But beyond all the serious stuff, he's soooooooooooooooooo cute. LOL. Nice skin, nice smile, clean cut. Those characteristics alone caught my eye. I know this all sounds cheezy but hey, cheezy is always good. It keeps you smiling!!

Oh yea, although those around me are going through a lot I'm still pretty darn happy. God is blessing me everyday. Life is not perfect, but when you're blessed it seems to feel that way.

Pretty Much Family

The other day I considered cutting you back all together. I found out all those things you've kept from me. And I don't know what hurt more, the things I was told or the fact that you didn't come to me first. We've been there for each other for so many years I couldn't really understand you keeping things from me. But then I thought about something I tell people all the time, you're like family. You've played such a large role in my life you've become part of my family. With that revelation I realized I couldn't cut you back. I couldn't be that hurt kid saying "I'm just not your friend anymore". See, now that we're family, I'd have to disown you. I'd have to cut a branch off of my family tree. And with that revelation I know I could never disown anyone in my family. Family is supposed to be by your side no matter what. Even when you don't know you need them. Even when you don't turn to them for help. Your family is supposed to always be your support even when you're a fuck up making the wrong decisions. So even though you haven't come to me yet, all I can do is be here for you. Be that family you may be missing. And hope that eventually you'll come to me. Although I'm mad and a little hurt, I realized I can't cut you back 'cause you're pretty much family.

I finally understand why procrastination is bad. I've had something right in front of me for years and I just realised how special it really was. I procrastinated on getting rid of the negative in my life so I couldn't see the positive that was right here all along. Even after I got rid of the negative, I still procrastinated on what I should've done because I wanted to see what the world had to offer. Now that I've finally made the time to look at what I could possibly have, my chance may be lost. Due to my procrastination to work on something that could uplift my life, and my wasted time working on things that bring me down, I may have to go without what I needed all along. It sucks but atleast I finally learned life's lesson on procrastination. When you wait to long to get something done the chance may pass you by. But the next chance I get, trust me I'll make the best of the opportunity as it arises.

Stress free, Drama free

When you remove stressful people and situations from your life its surprising how much you life can change. All of a sudden life doesn't seem so hard. You smile a little more. The sun seems brighter. And the every day stresses of life become more bearable. I woke up this morning and things didn't seem so bad. My phone wasn't blowing up with negative people and my day started with the potential to be something special. Today seemed different from other days. I still have the same bills to pay and I still have the same everyday worries. But today they didn't seem so intolerable. Today they were just small afterthoughts. You see, I decided to let go of the lingering negativity in my life. I let go of the people who always want to bring me down. I let go of those friendships and relationships that cause more pain than joy. And although that requires the change that I'm so afraid of, if my days continue to feel even half as good as today, its worth it. In two weeks I'll be celebrating making it through another year of my life. I plan on start the next chapter in my life with a more positive outlook on life.

I'M HAPPY!! It's funny how I had a great day but I can't quite put it into words. I'm almost scared to acknowledge it 'cause I'm scared something will go wrong. Kinda got used to the drama and bullshit that life kept throwing at me. I guess I forgot about the simple joys I used to enjoy. Life seems to be coming together for me and things seem to be moving a little smoother. Lets just hope I can hang onto it just a little longer.

I let you go. You let me go. We keep playing these games. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, you wanna grow old with me. So why are we running circles around each other? It was simple when we first started and love was all that mattered. When we would've done anything to be able to spend an extra moment together alone. It was pure and sweet. That first love. That love that gave us butterflies at the anticipation of seeing each other. When the greatest joy of our day was sitting on the phone and just hearing each others voice. When we would fantasize of a time when we'd be old enough to do whatever we wanted so we could see each other whenever we wanted. Now we fuss and fight so much, we're lucky to spend one weekend a month, in peace, together. Wasting time on arguments we don't even remember. Mad for weeks for no reason except not wanting to be the first to return to the other. What changed between us? We got a little older and a little wiser, but the love is still the same. So why are things so strained? What are we fighting against? What we put each other through makes no sense at all!! You show me a little love, I show you love back. Then you push me, I push back and then we both get mad and run in opposite directions. But what is the point if all roads lead us back together? Why run away from each other? Why not have the courage to sit and figure it out? Things could be so much easier if we would just let it. Maybe its just me. Maybe I'm just a fool for love. But my days of playing the fool are coming to an end. Hearts are only meant to take so much. And since all the strain is always on my heart alone, its taken on as much as it can bear. So until we are ready to figure things out, I'll end the games here. I won't push you away, you won't push me away. I'll just go my way, and you'll go yours. And since all roads lead us back together, I'll see you down the road when the time is right.

Still Tryin

I'm still tryin to find my way. Still tryin to find the one. Still tryin to make the right choices. Its hard to know what to do. Don't know if I should leave everything behind and start all over or stay where I am and try to make things work. Whats confusing is everytime I try to move on something from my past pulls me back. I'm not sure if its a sign that I should try to make it work or if I'm just being held back. My heart says make it work but my brain says let go of my past and never look back. Since I've been screwed by both my heart and brain before, I'm not sure which one to follow. Maybe I should just sit back and let things unfold, but then again who wants to watch life happen? I like feeling like I'm controling what happens to me. But now that I think about it, I'm never really in control. I guess my real problem is my heart and mind are always at odds. Maybe when I get them to work insync I'll be ok. 'Til then I'll keep tryin to find my way, tryin to find the one, tryin to make the right choices. So bear with me when I act a little crazy or seem a bit unsure 'cause I'm still tryin

Save the World

I'm everything to everyone. First person to call and only person to come through. I'm the child who always comes home on the holidays and the friend who always calls on birthdays. I'm counselor to all with problems and babysitter for those who have kids (all free of charge of course). I'm a bank to those who are broke and a cab for those who don't want to walk. I'm the perfect house wife and maid and even the perfect part time "friend". I'm the one who always has a listening ear, open arms, and open heart. To my family I'm the perfect daughter, baby sis, best friend, aunty, counselor and mediator. To my friends I'm the one who will always comes through, never judges, and goes out of my way to ease your sorrows. To the guys who come through my life, I'm the perfect lover, friend, chef, and all other things their heart desires. To all others I'm just that chick. Either the bitch that doesn't seem to smile, or that girl who looks like she might be nice if given a chance. I'm everything to everyone, but I like it. When I have moments when I'm not sure why God made me, why he choose to save me, I remember, I'm everything to everyone, and I'm here to SAVE THE WORLD

Blessed

Don't be fooled by the blue mood I'm sometimes in; I'm blessed beyond my own understanding. What I have may not seem like much to some, but if you know where I started, how far I've come, then you'd understand why I know I'm blessed. A fully furnished apartment, an SUV parked in my spot, and college tuition fully paid. Yea, I sound spoiled, but I started in a two-bedroom farmhouse with 10 people, no indoor plumbing, and a tv with only two channels that both showed the same thing. As far as I knew, I was rich. And when my family moved to the US and lived in a roach infested two bedroom apt, in the middle of the Spanish ghetto, that had to fit the four of us, I just knew I was living good. I didn't have to go out to the well to get my bath water,I had an indoor bathtub, and my tv had about 12 channels. As far as I knew, I had just gotten richer. But that never stopped me from appreciating what I had. But when I moved into a two level house with three bedrooms, four bathrooms and a basement with a bar and fireplace I knew life couldn't get better. You see to you, it might look like a simple townhouse. But to me, it's the mansion I dreamed of when I was small. And even now that I'm on my own in a simple one bedroom apartment, I still know I'm blessed. So, when you see me around with my head held high and a look of confidence on my face, its not that I'm cocky, or stuck up, or even conceited. I'm just blessed . . . and I know it.