Drama

Damn homie I don't know what to tell you. Everyday there's something new. I wish I could find the solution to your problems of today but you'll just have more tomorrow. Don't get me wrong we all have problems. Even I have my own. But yours always seem a bit drastic, a bit more life or death. I dunno what to say to help these problems go away. See, my problems are more along the lines of, this week I really like somebody next week "niggas ain't sh!t". But yours are more like, where will I be living next week. I know you don't want to be in these situations but I dunno how to help you out of them. Every time you come out of one you're back in another. I try to always be there for you. I'm there by your side holding your hand along the way. But it's hard to watch someone so close to me hurt them selves so much. See, although I feel bad that you're going through so much, we both know you put yourself in these tight spots. You dig yourself in holes so deep you can't see the top to dig yourself out. But I'll always be there reaching my hand down to pull you up. Hopefully one day you'll learn from your mistakes. One day the cycle will end. Maybe one day your troubles will finally disappear. But until then, I'll be here. Here to listen. Here to be your shoulder to cry on. Here to help you up when you have no strength to stand. As always, I'll be here through all the drama

Sleep

Why do you elude me? For hours, I sit and wait for you to come but you never show. I prepare myself for you every night and I lay here waiting. Waiting for you to come and put me at ease. Put my soul to rest. Waiting for you, the perfect end to any day. But you never seem to come when I want you to. You never come when you're supposed to. I wait 3-4 hours for your arrival. Doing everything in my power to get my mind off your delayed arrival. Nothing I do seems to make the time go by faster. My last resort is always turning off the lights and waiting. Waiting, in dark silence for you to make your appearance. Waiting so long, I don't even notice your arrival. Waiting so long, I've lost track of time. Waiting so long, I lose touch with my surroundings and you are able to creep up on me. Waiting so long, I finally catch you. I finally get my sleep

Angels on Earth

It's funny how friends can make you forget your pain. With a listening ear and loving heart, they make your worries fade. You don't even have to say what's wrong they can hear your heart through a phone. "What did he do now?" "You know your whole family is frickin crazy." "Stop stressin, you know it'll work out." They know what to say before hello is even mumbled. And once you start whining about what went wrong, they help you see how dumb it was that you got so upset. Whether you have a broken heart, empty wallet, or just a random woe, they always know the cure. "What you need is that good stuff!! That stuff that'll make you smile, no matter what. Them damn ribs from EBONY INN NIGGA!!! Then tell whoever blew you, go f@#& themselves!!" Simple remedies that have immediate effects. Some good food, good laughs, and great company, a friend can make you forget your heart was broken yesterday. You'll forget you can't really afford the meal you're eating. 'Cause before you say you have no money, it's already paid for. You'll forget every stressful thought that ever crossed your mind. Only a good friend can do this. Its almost as if God knew you might need someone by your side. He answered your prayer for peace before it left your lips. You never have to look far or wait long. One phone call, one e-mail, one car ride, and your relief is there. Your sorrow will be lifted and your heart will be healed. The power of a friend is immeasurable. Its as if we all have our own, angels on earth

By your side

Quote of the day: "No matter how strong, proud or sane you are, remember, love will make u weak in the knees, humble your heart, and drive you crazy. So be careful who you give your heart to, they'll have the power to change your soul." -More of my revelations

I finally realized I shouldn't have been there. It wasn't where I needed to be. My mind twisted and turned for a truly sleepless night. I thought being there, I would be ok. Being there, I used to feel safe. But now, when I'm there, I feel out of place. Like it's not where I belong. It's where I always wanted to be. It's where my heart feels it supposed to be. It's where I always thought you wanted me. But something changed. You don't look at me the same when I'm there. You barely even notice I'm still there. But I stayed. Stayed with hopes of "'til death do us part" in my heart. Little did I realize I was already dying. Always thought you would be my life. But it seems you might be the death of me. I'm slowly sipping the poison that is my love for you. I keep telling myself the bitter taste will be worth it in the end 'cause I'll still be there. Not quite sure if you even want me there. So I sit quietly hoping you won't notice me there. Hoping you won't remember you don't want me there. Hoping that in your lapse in remembering my presence I can stay in yours. Undetected, unnoticed, unacknowledged, but still there. But then, I realized, there wasn't where I was supposed to be. It's where I yearn to be. But right now, there isn't for me. I can't be there waiting to be acknowledged. I can't be there waiting to be shown love. I can't be there watching you waste the glory that is you on the undeserving. So, I walked away. Tears in my heart and a cry lodged in my throat, I walked away. Looking back at where I wanted to be. Hoping you'd stop me from going. Bring me back and say "Here is where you're supposed to be." But you let me go. As if there wasn't already reserved for me. As if there could be easily re-occupied. I see it in your eyes that there isn't where you want me to be. And although today I feel my heart breaking, I know, I'd do anything to be there again. To be there and feel like I belong again. To feel like you want me there again. But I'll leave this time. Terrified that someone else will take my place. Knowing to you, I'm easily replaced. I still go. I know I'll be back someday 'cause no matter how many times my heart cries, it will yearn to come back there. It will always bring me there. And I know I'll return. I'll come back and stay for as long as you'll let me. For as long as my heart can stand without breaking. I'll come back because there is where I want to be. There is where I need to be. There is where I'm destined to be. There . . . by your side.

Lost

Quote of the day: "If you are ever going to see a rainbow, you have got to stand a little rain."

I don't really know where to start so I guess I'll start with where I am today. I'm a bit lost. Not quite sure, of the direction my heart has taken me in and not really sure if its safe to follow it again. I've been trying to back track and figure out how I keep going the wrong way but I can't. Funny thing is although I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong it always has the same outcome. I pray about it every night but it doesn't seem to help. Its not really that I don't think prayer is working its more that I don't think I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. Actually its not that I think I'm not, more like I know I'm not. But giving up what I'm comfortable with is scarier than living lost. Does that make sense? Doesn't even make sense to me. But I'm still scared. I'd have to give up everything I know. Not sure if I'm ready yet, but I gotta get my heart and soul to that place. That place where I'll find peace. SO, I'll keep praying that the lord will change my heart and my soul so that I can find the path that I need to follow. 'cause right now I'm just LOST . . .