I'm not happy. What do I do? Who knows. Life is a bit mundane. Nothing special ever seems to happen to me. The simple things in life always make me happy but the simple things don't even occur anymore. Right now I'm just goin through the motions. Going with the flow so I won't feel like I'm standing still. But the pace is so slow it feels as if I'm not moving. Moving so slow, I almost feel as though I'm moving backward. Speaking of moving backward, why does my past continue to haunt me. Seems like every time I get into a rut like this my past resurfaces to give me false hope. But oddly, even the false promises that would once give me temporary joy no longer lifts my spirits. It now just seems to haunt my dreams, or should I say nightmares. The only stimulation in my life is my fitful sleep filled with horrific images. Too horrible to even repeat in my waking hours. So heartwrenching that they can only be repeated in my prayers asking the dear lord to remove the images from my mind. Funny, the only thrill in my life is waking up in the middle of the night screaming and crying. Maybe the unhappiness in my waking hours is seeping into my subconscious. Or maybe I'm doing the psychologist overanalyzation thing. Coming up with excuses when in actuality I'm just having bad dreams. Who knows what the hell is wrong with me.