Baby,
You're special. No matter what happens don't let anything hold you back. You are destined to do great things. You have a great heart, pure soul, and limitless talent. Stay focused and remember God has a plan for you. You'll reach heights you didn't even know you could attain. Just stay focused and keep your faith strong. You'll be fine.
-Your #1 groupie

Simply blessed

I'm struggling. I'm trying to do the right things. Trying to get my life in order. Trying to stay afloat. I get stressed out sometimes. I act crazy sometimes. And at times I lose my focus. I spend to much money. I don't do enough work. Sometimes I don't leave my apartment. I unintentionally hurt those I love. I act unchristian like to people I don't like. I even talk about people I don't know just for laughs. But I always find my way back. I control my emotions and keep stress away. I work within my budget and go without at times. I sit down and study and focus on my school work. I get up and get fresh air when I feel like being lazy. I humble myself when I know I'm wrong. I even humble myself and bite my tongue when I'm pushed by those I don't like. Although I don't always do right and I don't always stay focused, because I handed my life over to HIM, I can always find my way back. Because of this I know, I'm blessed.

Changes

BEFORE

AFTER

Its funny how you never notice the changes in yourself but you can see the changes happening around you. The past couple of years I've noticed how my friends and family have been transforming into new people. My best friends are adults now with their own places and kids, family members are getting married and turning into real "family people". Mom is spending more time and money on her appearance and her happiness, big sis is turning from rebel to housewife, and my big bro is being nice to me (doesn't sound like much to some but its a drastic character change). And all these changes have been brought about through time but mostly through the new people in their lives. All along I've been watching them but blind to the changes happening within myself. As DW (my bestfriend) put it, I didn't notice the "new Drea of 2005". Not until I looked in my closet recently did I see how much my attitudes have changed. Instead of black sneakers, baggy jeans, big t-shirts, and big coats, I have colorful clothes with a pair of shoes to match every shirt, and about 20 pairs of tight low rise jeans. I've gone from the everyday tomboy to some what feminine, of course with my own twist on it. Outside of my wardrobe changes my personality has began to transform. I'm no longer negative and dismal when it comes to matters of life and love. I've learned to focus on all the positve in life and work and pray through the negative. Like everyone around me, I haven't let go of what makes me me, I've just improved on it. But I am grateful for all the people God has put in my life to help me change. My friends, enemies, family, boyfriend, ex-boyfriends, and all other people who have passed through my life at sometime. I've taken a piece of everyone who has touched my life with me and used those pieces to improve myself. Now I just look foward to more changes and more improvements in my life. And I'm sure if I'm blind to the changes, someone else will point it out to me.

sometimes

Sometimes I'm a bit crazy. And sometimes I'm very relaxed. Sometimes I'm mean. Other times I'm the sweetest girl you ever met. Sometimes I'm emotional And sometimes I'm cold. Sometimes I'm supersensitive and other times I'm tough. Sometimes I'm proud and stubborn and others I'm humble. Sometimes I want to be the center of attention, while others I want to go unnoticed. Sometimes I wanna be left alone. And sometimes more often than not, I wanna be held close. But whether I'm being mean or nice, tough or sensitive, humble or proud, I'm always me. A complicated girl who simply wants to be loved and understood. A girl who wants to be held close sometimes but still have space to breath. Just a complicated girl who simply wants to be me. Hopefully you can take me as I am, always not just sometimes.

I'm fallin . . . . .(to be continued)

Moved on

I heard your voice in the distance, and my heart sped up. I turned and saw your face, and I stopped breathing for a second. The odd thing is back in the day I'd feel the same way but it would be accompanied by euphoria and butterflies in my stomach, but it didn't feel like that this time. This time the feeling was accompanied by a slight feeling of nausea, anger and animosity. I used to get excited and run into your arms, my whole demeanor would lighten up. But this time I gave you the casual acquaintance hug and a dark cloud blocked my bright mood. And for once, I didn't want you. I didn't yearn for you to stay at my side. I didn't run behind you like your sad lap dog. You're just a part of my past now. And yea, I saw the way you looked at me. I felt the way you tried to hold on to me when we hugged. And I heard you when you told me I looked good. And you know what, I did look good. I probably looked better than you're used to seeing me look. Now that my existence is no longer clouded by you, my soul can shine through. My joy is written on my face. The muddled emotions of love and pain have both subsided. Now I only have joy. The joy of knowing I'm now with someone who cares for me. The joy of never having to doubt how I feel. The joy of letting go of the past and starting anew. The joy you never gave me. But I could see it in your face that you knew. You knew I had already let you go. You knew my heart was now leading me in another direction. I could tell by the defeated swagger in your walk that you knew, for the first time, I wouldn't attempt to follow. And even though you made futile last attempts to resume your hold on my heart, your power over me is now gone. I' m happy now without you. I've moved onto something better for my life. And nothing you do or say will ever make me risk losing what I have now. So, although you shook up my life for a few moments, after you walked away I was able to return to my peaceful existence. I was able to walk around the corner and into his arms. Into the arms of my new joy. After you walked away I finally got my closure and I was able to move on.

They say that twins have a supernormal connection and I think maybe its true. Although my sister and I are not twins in our hearts we know we were meant to be. Born on the same day 6yrs and 5 hours apart, my sister and I have always had a connection. Although we fought like usual siblings do and couldn't stand each other when we had to share our special day, we still have an unbreakable love. No matter how much we fought, or what mean things were said we could always call on each other for love an support. As we've grown up we're still there for each other. And although we are separated by many states our bond is still strong. I can still sense when something is wrong with her even though we aren't even in the same zip code. When she's ill I can feel it in my own body. When she's depressed I can feel her heart reach out to me. She is my other half. The completion of my heart. So know that her heart is breaking, I can feel it in my soul. Now that her body is failing her I can feel it in my bones. She didn't come to me when she saw the signs and I know it was because she didn't want to burden me. But she knew I'd figure it out. She knew I'd sense her pain. But know I feel inadequate to help. I feel like I'm failing her. I don't have the power within me to remove her pain and I can't even be by her side.
But I won't give up on helping her. Although I can't be with her right now, although I can't fix all her problems, I know someone who can. So to my big sis, the love of my life, my other half, I place you in God's hands. Only he can heal your mind, body, and soul. And he is with you even when I can't be. So I'll continue to pray for you as I've done everyday since I learned how to pray. I know you'll be ok. I know God will work it out. And in the meantime I'll keep my phone by my side and try my best not to worry. I Love you sis.


Dear God Please take care of my big sis. I don't know what I'd do without her. Please be with her as she goes through her struggles and be her comfort at her bedside.

It's funny how now that life is going good for me I don't have much to tell you. I guess I'm not used to expressing joy so I haven't quite mastered how to put the feeling into words. But right now I just feel blessed. God has been working overtime in my life. Hes allowed me to go through strife so that I can appreciate my blessings. I know that the hard times aren't over but I also know that God will give me the strength to get through. There were so many times when I thought I couldn't make it. I thought the sun would never shine in my life again. But God was always there to pull me through and even when I forgot he was there he placed great people in my life to remind me of his love. I just pray that my faith will stay strong and I'll be able to live my life right. But all in all I'm happy, no, I'm joy filled because I know I'm blessed.

I hope you know how much I value what we have. Or atleast what we're developing. I know its not gonna be easy for both of us and our limits will be tested but I know we can get through. Founded on honesty and friendship, we can stand strong together. You are there for me when I need you and I will be there for you when you need me. So I pray that as we begin another week in our journey together that we can continue to be supportive of one another. Continue to be the listening ear in times of joy and anger. Continue to be the shoulder to cry on in times of pain. Continue to be the helping hand when we can't do it alone. And if ever you need me, no matter the time, know that I will run to your side to continue to be your support. And I pray you'd do the same for me. So as you begin your week if you feel a little overwhelmed, remember I am here, not only as your girl, but as your friend and as your support.
Sweet dreams love.